Sixty years ago today, this world became a bit brighter. A sweet, gentle soul was born in a rural NC town, and her memory still touches those who were lucky enough to know her. She was beautiful, humble, kind, patient, and loving. Most people called her Jennifer, but I had a special privilege. I had the honor of calling her Mom.
I know lots of people might say they have the best mom in the world, but I really mean it. My mom was incredibly special. She was SO kindhearted and loving; she had a way of making everyone feel special and valued. During childhood and adolescence, when so many of my peers would complain about their parents, I was always content to be home with mine. When I entered high school my dad began traveling more for business and my brother went off to college, so Mom and I got to spend lots of time alone together. I'm so grateful for that - we loved going to movies, out to eat, and shopping. We went to Pizza Hut so much that we began referring to it as "our place." "So," Mom would say on a Saturday morning, "how about we run to the mall and then eat at our place?" I loved that I could talk to her about anything, whether it was boys, religion, sex, friendships - whatever I had on my heart, she was interested in. Even when things got tough, she was someone I could count on 100%. For example, when I was around 17 years old I began suffering from terrible anxiety attacks. This led to bouts of terrible depression and confusion for me. I know how draining it must have been to live with me at that point and I'm sure that Mom vented to others in private, but around me she was always patient and understanding no matter how irrational I was. I'll never forget the time we went to Disney together and stopped somewhere in Magic Kingdom for lunch. I ordered chicken fingers for lunch and when we sat down I burst into tears. She asked me what was wrong and I sobbed that I had ordered the wrong thing and I wanted something else. Now, most of us might expect that from a 4 year old, but I was 19 at the time! Yet my mom, knowing the struggle I was having with my anxiety at that time in my life didn't lecture me or act embarrassed at the scene I was creating. Instead, she looked at me with compassion and said softly, "I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now." And she let me cry. I felt so safe and loved at that moment, and it is a memory that I carry with me to this day. It is a perfect example of the kind of mom she was. I aspire to be like her as a mother to my own children. I hope Jake and Natalie feel the same love and acceptance from me no matter what they face in this life.
Just as the world brightened when she entered it 60 years ago, it darkened 47 years later. In 1996, my mom began experiencing speech problems, confusion, headaches, and loss of coordination. In May of that year they found multiple lesions on her brain and she was admitted to the hospital for further testing. I remember coming home from the hospital one day around lunchtime with Geoffrey and Heather for a quick lunch break. "How about Pizza Hut?" they suggested. I began to cry. "But that's Mom's and my place," I said sadly.
"Well, we can still go there today," Geoffrey said. " Besides, you'll go there with Mom again."
Even though we weren't sure what was wrong with our mom at that point, a very eerie feeling settled over me. "No I won't," I thought sadly. I just had a feeling that Mom and I would never go to "our place" again. Unfortunately, I was right. Shortly afterwards, she was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme, a horrible form of primary brain cancer. Her tumors were inoperable.
On August 7th, 1996, she died.
It's been a little over 12 years and I still miss her so much. Things get easier with time, but there is so much I want to say to her, so much I want to ask her now that I am a mother myself. I would love to feel her warm hugs, hear her sweet, calming voice, and smell her incredible smell. She never needed perfume; she just had this naturally sweet scent. (In fact, I saved some of her clothing because for the longest time it still smelled like her.) I would give anything for my children to know their Grandma Jennifer. I really wish she was here to celebrate her 60th birthday with us today. But instead, I will settle for what has been my tradition since she died. This weekend, Nick and I will take Jake and Natalie to Pizza Hut, the very same one that my mom and I used to go to. (We usually do it on her actual birthday but Nick had to work). We will eat, laugh, and remember my wonderful mother.
I love you Mom. Happy birthday! I bet the birthday cake tastes awesome in heaven.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Beautiful, Kristen. I don't even know what to say.
I didn't realize that I met you only one year after your mom died. I thought it had been longer. I know she was the most special person in your life, and I still can't imagine how you got through those early times after her death, but I think you're an amazing friend, and an even more amazing mom! Happy 60th to a woman I wish I had known!!!
Post a Comment